~ Plz hear what I'm nt saying ~

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
mask that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature to me.
But don't be fooled.
For God's sake don't be fooled.
I give u the impression that I'm secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by accepttance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barries I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
I don't like to hide.
I don't like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you've gt to help me.
U've gt to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the bland stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand bcz you really care.
My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings.
Very feeble wings,
but wings !!!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breath life into me.
I want you to know that.

Sometimes... Dun blif those stupid things i said.
But sometimes... Maybe... Jz maybe it's real.....
Haiz....
Erm... Hope you guys can understand.....