~ Plz hear what I'm nt saying ~

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
mask that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature to me.
But don't be fooled.
For God's sake don't be fooled.
I give u the impression that I'm secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by accepttance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barries I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
I don't like to hide.
I don't like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you've gt to help me.
U've gt to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the bland stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand bcz you really care.
My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings.
Very feeble wings,
but wings !!!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breath life into me.
I want you to know that.

Sometimes... Dun blif those stupid things i said.
But sometimes... Maybe... Jz maybe it's real.....
Haiz....
Erm... Hope you guys can understand.....

Arh !!! Wanna die le !!!

My UB 2's marks.... Erm......
Haiz... :(
Some.... DROP... Bt some... Ha ha.... Gt improve....
Like Sejarah !!! Wow !!! So happy with it !!!!
Bt PJK, KH, GEO, BM, PS, SC, BI and more....
Haiz.... Some gt Bs and some.... Jz drop.... Ha Hazz....
(Still can smile)
Bt my average.... Still 80+... Ha hazz.. ok lar....
If my average gt below 80... Wah.. HP kena keep lagi !!!
Ha Hazzz...

Haiz... :(
Long time din go to class liao....
Miss classes everyday !!!!
Whole day go band nia.... Training from 6.30 am till 5 pm...
Scary rite ???
Dunno my semester can gt good marks or not....
Haiz... :(
Brass Band.... Really very tired....
Bt a little happy !!! Ha hazzz...
Cz I can take part in the competition in Kuching !!!
Wow !!! First time eh !!!!
BT ..... !!!!
Haiz... :(
Marks sure will drop..... In semester....
Haiz....:( Later kena bom again !!!
Then HP cannot use lar... Computer cannot use lar...
Haiz..... Have to study from now !!!!
Haiz.....

Arh !!! Y so tired de o.....
2moro's Saturday rite ?
Haiz... Still gt training....
From 7.00 am till 5.00 pm....
Issh !!!!
Tiredzzz !!! Tiredzzz !!! Tiredzzz !!!

A memorable day... (30/3)

Last day of the school's concert !!!
Haiz..... :(
Wanna say thanks to Ivy and Chung Ong....
Thanks to them so that me and my frenz could perform so nicely on the stage this three dayzzz...
Thank you very much !!! Love you "mummy" (Ivy).... And "daddy" (Chung Ong) too !!!!!! Muakzzz... ^.^.^
And my other frenz.. who did nt take part in the concert....
I wanna say thanks to you guyz.....
Cz you guyz gave a lot of support....
Thank you thank you thank you !!!!
And all my frenz in the dance....
Thanks very much !!! You guyz sang birthday song to me !!
It's a bit too late bt.... Thanks.... !!!! Really thank you !!!
Chung Ong and Kah Khing !!!!
Arh !!! You guyz forgot my birthday already !!!
Haiz... :( SADZZZZ !!!!
Nvm lar... It's ok..... Maybe you guyz were really bz at that time.....
Ha hazzz.....

Luckily I din dance wrong on the stage today !!!
Dun play play o..... Todayz the last day !!!! Phew !!!
Wah !!! Y everybody wants me to take photo o.....
Haiz... :(
I hate to take photo cz I'll be like another person in the picture !!!
Sorry o..... Cz I really dun like it !!! Very ugly !!!!
Sorry Kitty.... :(
Sorry Shirley !!! :( Really sorry !!!
I din mean to reject it.... Bt I really dun like taking photo !!!
I really wanna take picture with you guyz bt.... Haiz.. :(
I took picture with Ivy, Yuk Kham and Jillyand also Wei Ching.....
Haiz.... :(
Me.... Haiz.. Only ruin the picture nia....
SADZZZZZZZZZZZ................:(

Thanks Choon Man, Kit Wee and Simon !!!
Cz you guyz accompany me till very late today !!!
Thanks....
Choon Man.... Told ya nt to stay up till so late... Ha Hazzz....
See..... Can't stand it already !!!!
Simon.... Yea... You're very tired.... You slept very early bt you accompany me till 12...
Thanks.....
Kit Wee... Thanks... You accompany me till I offline !!!
Thank you thank you thank you !!!!

What a birthday !!!

Hi guyz......
Yup... Todayz my birthday !!!!!!!!
A lot of ppl rmb..... Bt also a lot of ppl forgot.......
Haiz....... :(
My frenz gave me presents this morning..... WOW..!!!
Lots of PRESENTS o..... :) Ha Hazzz.....
Erm.... Wanna say thanks to Kitty......
Cz he "te4 di4" wake up at 12am to send me birthday wishes !!!!!
I'm so "gan3 dong4" o....... Thanks very much yea... KITTY !!!!
And Siew Hui... Thanks for the presents.... I like it very much !!!
And Kia Yuong.... Thanks for the beautiful card !!!!!!
And Deborah... Thanks for the pretty present !!!!!! I like it too......
And Brendan... Thanks for bringing me to Pete's Dali..... Food very nice o.....
And all my frenz.... Thanks for the birthday wishes !!!!!!

Todayz our schools concert.......
Very boring o.... We couldn't watch it unless we have tickets.....
Haiz... We sat there for a few hours..... Doin nothing !!!!
Todayz performance..... Very nice..... I guess.....
Drama..... Ha ha.... Nice job !!!! You guyz had done well !!!!!
And all the other performance...... Also very nice.... He he.......
Tomorrow's the second day of the concert...
Everyone....
Jia you !!!!! ^.^.^
Lastly....
I jz wanna say thanks my frenz....
Thanks for remembering my birthday !!!!

Results for the first monthly test in form one... :(

Wah!!! Very sad lar...... :(
I get 15th in class...... maybe I'll go down to 16th cz Jane's marks.....
Haiz............. :(
Is that the bez I can do ???? Huh ????
Haiz........ Adeela got the first place !!!!!!
Haiz........ Adeela's the freshing queen.... of course lar.......
There's a boy in our class very " geng " oh........
Every day go practise brass band also can get the second place o.......
Haiz........ Studying in A class very uneasy o......... :(
Those girlz in front are very serious when the test comes.......
Wahseh !!!! They're so good in studying lar.......
I can't beat them........ Haiz....... :(
Bt this is the first test nia ...........
I'll do better next time !!!!!!!
Next time, I wanna get at least ten and above lar.......
I'll try very hard......... See whether I can beat them or not.....
He he..... :)
Wish me luck !!!!!

~Jia you, Brenda !!!! ^.^.^
^.^Ha hazzz........ :)